I was very lucky this week to have been present at my nephew’s 2nd birthday party, so I decided to use this setting to observe the communication between adults and children. When my husband, daughter and I arrived at the birthday party, my nephew was not a happy camper. The party was taking place during his usually scheduled nap time, so he was very moody and did not wish to talk to us much. We greeted his mom and other family members as he lay around attempting to take a “cat nap”. I observed my daughter interact with some of the adults at the party as she mingled around, eventually heading to play with the older girls. She would respectfully greet them, and they her. I caught a snippet of the conversation an 8 year old cousin of my nephew’s was having with her mom. She was busy taking “selfies” on her new I-Phone, and her mom wanted her to come over and eat. She immediately yelled across the yard at her mother that she was not hungry. Her mom brought the plate over to her anyway, ignoring what the child had just expressed. About 20-minutes later, the mom yelled to her daughter to see if she had finished her food. She completely ignored her mom and continued taking pictures of herself and her friends. Her mom shook her head and came over to pick up her plate to place it in the trash.
After that observation, I clearly saw that I and that child’s mother have different parenting styles and ways of communicating with our children. I would call for my daughter to come over to me and then ask her the question rather than yell the question across the front yard. I also would expect that my daughter show enough respect and answer me whenever I questioned her. I had to step back and determine what the child was saying to the mom and vice versa. According to Stephenson (2009), stepping back became a strategy that helped me listen with an openness that allowed me to hear unexpected meanings in what children shared with me. I believe this is the normal way this particular parent communicates with her daughter, so I do not believe that this observation had any affect on the child’s sense of self-worth. I am always mindful of what I say and who I say it to. Children are often affected by what we say and how we say things, so meaning and tone are everything in communication. I try to talk to my daughter and the children I provide care for in the same manner so to interest them in sharing their thoughts with me. I can always improve on my active listening, especially with younger children and children with behavior difficulties.
Reference:
Stephenson, A. (2009). Conversations with a 2-year-old. YC: Young Children, 64(2), 90–95. Retrieved from the Walden Library using the Education Research Complete database. http://ezp.waldenulibrary.org/login?url=http://search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=ehh&AN=37131016&site=ehost-live&scope=site
shaylamitchell 
Shayla,
I love the fact that you are okay with improvement. As professionals, we should reflect often on our strength and weakness and focus on trying to improve the weak areas. Likewise, I have an aunt and cousin who communicate the same way. My aunt would yell at her daughter about anything and the daughter would not listen. My aunt did not listen to her daughter as well. This is something that they are use to but it does not make for effective communication. I have learned that good listening skills are important and solves important issues.
Latasha
Shayla,
What an interesting opportunity you had to observe this week. A friend of mine has two girls that are ten and eight. Both girls enjoy using mom’s cell phone and of course, taking selfies. At different times, I have observed this mother try to talk to her girls while they were engaged in the cell phone and either she would get no response or an angry response in which she, the mother, would just roll her eyes and choose not to address it. Her comment was that they never listen to her. They don’t listen to her and they don’t respect her. I am a firm believer that adults need to show children respect but also that children need to respect their parents/adults. However, when I observed dad talking to the girls, it was a different story. They knew that when dad spoke, they were to listen. I watched as the father called one of the girls to come and get her bag, and he only had to call her once. Neither one of them ignored him or snapped back at him when he was talking to them. He demanded their respect and they gave it to him. These parents need to work together and support each other so the children will respect both parents. Effective communication is an important skill as is active listening.
Thanks for sharing!
Amy McCoig